Now That I Stopped Crying

I couldn't finish my last post because I started crying and I just couldn't handle it. Now that I got that out of my system maybe I can finish getting this out. Without Gracie here I just feel like part of the family is gone. Like a piece of my heart is missing and I can try to distract myself with all the things I love, but none of them seem to help me much when I am always distracted by Gracie when she is here. When I do a puzzle she is on my lap helping me (trying to eat the pieces). When I am reading she is turning the pages, before I am done with the page I am on. When I am painting my nails she is sticking her feet in my lap to have them painted too. Cleaning up is like walking backwards, I fold she throws..and so on. Now the clean and the quiet and the finished books and puzzles...it just doesn't make me as happy and she does. I know I still get my days with her but it isn't enough. Especially when I know that the woman who gave birth to her is only doing what she is doing to piss off Jon, to get a check, who knows what else. She lost custody for a reason why is she getting it back after all this time and no proof that she is going to stick to court order. She has been defying it so far, why did that judge grant her anything. This is going to throw her off schedule so bad and when she comes back she is going to be confused and cranky..I hate this.